Prima Facie
by JaerWolfe
Summary: The initial meeting between my renegade Rache Shepard and Kaidan.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This takes place before the events of the first game and is the initial meeting between my renegades Rache and Kaidan.**

* * *

Shitfuckfuckityshit.

She muttered the litany under her breath as she slammed her back against the burning mako, her assault rifle cradled in her right hand as her left pressed hard against the steady stream of blood pouring from her waist. Around her she could hear the whine of gunfire and the occasional explosion of an RPG far too close for her comfort.

She was going to die here. And she couldn't even remember the damn name of the planet they were on.

Rache Shepard activated the med-gel in her armor hoping it would stop the blood. Scrambling up on her feet she shoved her way back toward the front of the vehicle she and her team had been riding in when the ambush hit them.

"You okay, Commander?" Roac, a veteran soldier who'd spent more time in space than he had planet bound spared her a glance as he returned fire.

"The batarian who can kill me hasn't been born yet." Rache snarled with an old hatred. The med-gel was kicking in, blocking the pain and hopefully replacing the blood she'd lost. "How many of us are left?"

Roac swore and hit his knees as a daring batarian in full armor rounded the burning mako. Surging up under the missed punch aiming for him, the veteran smashed the butt of his rifle into the alien's helmet shattering his face plate before turning it about and sending a single shot through the slaver's brain matter. "Magnes, Johnson, Cotton and Mbekuo. Turner and Stavros never made it out of the mako."

Shit, what a way to die, Rache mused with a shake of her head as several varren trained for battle came from their left. Ignoring the gun in her hand she tossed a biotic field that sent them flying through the air and brought sparkles to her eyes. She was running low on energy, burned out by using her biotics too quickly, too fiercely.

But, hey, she wasn't dead yet.

"How many against us?" Rache used her gun this time, taking a steady aim and clipping the meaty thigh of one of the pirates who'd thought his entire body was hidden by the large boulder. He went down, not dead, not yet, but give him a couple of minutes and he'd bleed out.

"Let me check…" Roac sent a burst of fire going forward, his head ducking out for a visual and then darting back. "Uh, hunh. Yeah, that'd be the whole fucking galaxy, Commander."

"Magnes, Johnson, form on me! Cotton…shit!" Rache hissed in anger as the other woman took several hits to the head and fell having never heard the beginning of the command. "Mbekuo! I want a tight defensive position here!"

The rest of the squad made their way to her side, their backs heading toward Rache as they continued to fire.

Rache let them take the brunt of the assault, her gaze going toward the terrain about them. They had to get clear of the mako before one of the Einstein batarians realized that a well placed RPG or sticky bomb would blow the ordnance still in the vehicle and the rest of them with it.

"We need to move away from the mako." She said in flat tones before pulling up a map on her omni-tool. "We've got a hill two clicks west that has cover on it. We'll head there and make a stand."

"Ma'am, how about we blow the mako ourselves as a cover and run like hell?" Mbekuo asked a white teethed grin on his lips.

"Shit, Mebbe, we'd be in the middle of a damn kiddy amusement park and you'd find an excuse to blow something to hell." Magnes mock groaned even as her skilled aim killed two varren rounding toward them.

"Don't be jealous of my hobbies, Maggie. It's beneath you." Mbekuo retorted managing to finish off the rest of the pack the other soldier had missed.

"Do it, Mebbe." Rache ignored the interplay between the two the way she ignored the fact they were sleeping together during their down time. So long as it didn't interfere with their duties, Rache figured it was none of her business, commanding officer or not. "I'll cover…shit!" The oath exploded from her as did a surge of biotics sent blasting up and over the top of the burning mako where a daring batarian had tried to ambush them with a grenade. She sent both flying back to the enemy line. The screams of pain when the grenade exploded made the fact she sank to her knees, the world spinning in circles about her, only marginally better.

"Commander's running on empty." Johnson called out as the few survivors closed in about her in a protective stance.

"I'll make it!" She snarled furious at the weakness in her body. She would not let her team down. She would not stay protected and safe while they died screaming in agony because of batarian slavers. Never again. "Mebbe, set the charges. Roac, you and I will lay suppressive cover fire. Johnson, Magnes, take whatever flashbangs you can find. When Mebbe gives the word you toss them and we run like hell. Feel me?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Came the enthusiastic response.

Rache managed her feet and snarled at the effort it took. She'd never make it on a run. Not as she was now, her body had lost too much blood, burned too much energy fueling her biotics. No choice for it. Moving next Roac, she deftly slid the small hypo out of a pouch on her belt and broke the seal all in one smooth move. Roac caught the movement and gave a single nod of approval before returning his gaze to the brief lull in the combat about them, blocking her body from view of the rest of their squad as she unsealed a small portion of her armor covering her neck and slid the needle under her skin.

The rush soared through her, fueling her, giving her power, giving her purpose and making her invincible.

If only it weren't a fucking lie, Rache thought grinding her teeth as she rode the drug's wave and centered herself. Yes, she could access her biotics again, use them as often as she wanted until her brain imploded and she would never feel a damn thing until the lights went dark. The black market drug known as Fidget was a red sand derivative specifically for biotic soldiers. Find yourself in the middle of a firefight with no biotics left to either defend or protect you and your squad? No problem! A shot of Fidget would break down the body's natural limits and let you kill anything with your brain until there was nothing left to kill. And the great thing about the side effects? If you burned your brain and body out leaving nothing left but an empty, drooling husk you wouldn't be aware enough to suffer from any!

Roac, her TWIC, was the only one who'd ever seen her use the stuff and that was because he'd had the bad luck to have served with her the longest through some of the toughest firefights the Alliance could toss them into.

He'd also been the one to sit with her through the withdrawal shakes after they were back safe on base. The addictive nature of red sand wasn't contested by anyone, not even Rache, but she would use any means necessary to get the mission done and get her people home. And she would be damned if she let some drug crawl its way into her brain and body for a permanent stay when there were still batarians out there who thought torturing humans was a quaint and amusing pastime.

"Two minute countdown, Commander." Mbekue called out.

"Give the mark, Mebbe. The rest of you, when you hear it toss those flashbangs and then you run like hell. We meet at the hill rendezvous point." Rache inhaled deep through her nose, feeling the power surging through her, buzzing her, pleasuring her.

"Mark!" Mbekue shouted with his customary lack of foreshadowing and took off running with a maniacal laugh.

Rache let her team go first, Roac leading the way in a full out sprint. She followed more slowly, her attention more on the barrier that she had raised, guarding the vulnerable backs of her soldiers as they retreated. Thick and strong, the enemy's weapons had no chance of penetrating the biotic bubble and they gave it their all.

High on the drug she'd ingested, Rache faced the pirates, laughing, her arms raised, retreat all but forgotten under the heady power of her biotics.

"Come on!" She shouted, daring them. "You bastards couldn't kill me when I was teenager, you can't kill me now!" Some far off portion of her brain screamed at her to get to safety but she was beyond hearing. Beyond caring. There was her and the enemy and nothing else mattered.

Except the exploding mako.

The blast knocked her off her feet and sent fiery pieces of batarian raining down about her, the barrier flickering and almost falling as she lost her balance under the brutal heaving of the world under her feet. The drug surged through her refusing to allow her biotics to be extinguished. About her body a small bubble formed blocking the still incoming debris and shrapnel, shunting it off to the side as she lay on her back all but helpless to do anything other than watch the fire rain.

That's when she saw one of the mako's tires begin to fall toward her.

Roac would be so pissed if he had to identify her body, Rache thought in the abstract wing of her mind palace.

Refusing to give up, she strengthened the barrier while surging her right hand forward as if to catch the huge tire. Once again her power began to fail, the drug burning up in her veins as she demanded more and more from the sweetly addictive serum deciding that she'd rather be burned out than squashed like a bug. Of the two biotic displays, her attempt to pull the tire out of its trajectory and away from her was definitely the weaker. It was enough, however, when combined with the barrier that bounced it to the left to hit the ground safely away from her.

The barrier flickered about her and died.

She had nothing left. Again.

Her body began shaking then, screaming for more of the drug, more of the sweet, sweet freedom. Rache managed to roll to the side, her knees drawing up into a fetal position as she convulsed weak and helpless.

Voices speaking a low, guttural language that sent shivers of fear racing through her spine drifted over the rocky landscape.

 _Please don't let them find me._ The old litany came back, the hated treble of a coward that hid while others died. She'd thought she had left that girl behind, thought she had banished her to a place only memory could find and now, left pathetic and groveling in the dirt and filth, Rache learned that she'd never left her teenage self behind at all. She was still at the core of who she was.

"Well, well, what have we here." The language was translated this time, the better to scare her with.

Rache's eyes opened to slits, her teeth clenching to prevent her from biting her tongue, as she glared up at the tall and very bloody batarian.

"It's her! I know that armor." Another crowed with satisfaction crouching next to her. "I saw it during the vids of Torfan." He snapped the straps on her helmet loose and jerked it free until her head bounced off the sand, her auburn hair spilling about her. "It's Commander Shepard. The Butcher of Torfan."

A hand slid into the thick mass on her scalp and pulled her up with little concern for any pain she might be feeling.

"Is that true, human?" The first voice demanded.

Rache tried a pathetic kick that earned her a backhanded hit that tried to knock her head back but the grip on her hair never lessened enough to allow the movement.

"Oh, it's true. You know the price her head will bring in the Terminous Systems?" The second one laughed. "And here you have the body still attached to it and breathing."

"Give me five minutes and we'll see who's breathing." She snarled at them, blood running from her nose and down her mouth.

That defiance earned her another hit, this time to her stomach, driving her breath from her. No sound of pain escaped, though. She would never give them the satisfaction of hearing her scream. Not if she had to swallow her own tongue…

The head of the batarian who still held her popped like an overripe melon. The second one, the one who'd recognized her, was suddenly launched in a blue field of power and slammed down with a sickening thunk on the ground beside her.

She blinked, trying to understand. Her biotics were depleted. She couldn't have made that slam, not with her body still coming down from the worst of the shakes. Exhaustion set in then as she slowly slumped over right into the growing blood puddle of the now headless slaver, the stench and the warmth proving unable to raise enough revulsion in her to get her body to move.

"Lieutenant Commander Shepard, can you speak?" A confident and calm voice questioned as a shadow blocked out her sun.

She could hear weapons fire in the background now. The remaining slavers were being attacked by someone and if the blue uniform above her was anything to go by, the Alliance had finally sent a damn rescue mission in to help.

"My team." She managed, trying to focus on the face above her.

Brown eyes took up most of her field of vision as a clean face bent closer to her. "The surviving members of your team have been recovered, Commander." Hand moved over her then, rolling her onto her back. "I'm Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, ma'am. You're safe."

A bitter laugh welled from her shuddering body. "Really? Where have you been all my life?" She closed her eyes and let the tension seep from her.

She didn't have to fight anymore. She could let someone else take the burden of living, of surviving. She could just…sleep.

"SSV Normandy, I need immediate medical evac. Patient is in shock and convulsing…"

Rache opened her eyes again, listening to the medical jargon that might as well have been a different language for her. She liked his voice. Calm. Controlled. Sexy. There were worse ways to die than listening to that voice.

Who knew that better than she?


	2. Chapter 2

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko watched the combat medics load the blood soaked woman onto a life support gurney and wondered if she'd live.

Hell, he thought turning his attention back to the now quiet battlefield as the shuttle with the wounded lifted off, he wondered how any of them had lived. His team was still counting dead bodies and the number was already past the three digit mark.

"Guess the Butcher of Torfan lives up to her name." He muttered with a shake of his head.

"I can think of at least four folks who're damn glad of it, too." A slow drawl answered him.

Kaidan turned and gave a respectful nod to the blood and soot smeared soldier addressing him. "Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, SSV Normandy. You look like you could use either a medic or a drink."

"I wouldn't mind a drink delivered by a fine lookin' woman in one of them old time nurse's uniforms. Covers both needs well enough." A laugh scraped from vocal cords that Kaidan knew were worn from shouting orders in the middle of battle, but the other soldier didn't seem to feel any pain. "Staff Lieutenant Xander Roac. I'm the Butcher's TWIC." The last was said without irony. "You stabilized her before the SOCMs arrived. You've got my gratitude."

"How many did you lose?" Kaidan asked with sympathy as the other man moved alongside him. Without a word he handed the battle weary man a bottle of supplement enriched water taken from the medical pouch at his feet.

"More'n half. We started with twelve, including the Commander." Roac glanced toward the sky at the fading view of the shuttle that had lifted off and then toward the pack of medics still caring for the wounded. "Four of us still walking. Commander'll make it five if she lives."

"She'd burned her biotics out pretty bad." Kaidan said in a cautious tone. "There could be some residual…"

"First round of RPGs hit the front of our mako and wiped the shields out. Second round killed Giovanni and Alonzo on impact. Unlucky bastards were in the front, Alonzo driving, Giovanni on navigation. Impact concussion force had our vehicle airborne and spinning while we were strapped in the belly still trying to make sense of what the hell was going on." Roac took a long, deep drink of the nutrient rich water. "Mid spin, Shepard goes blue and stops the spinning. Nothing she can do about gravity pulling us down, though, so she builds a barrier about us. We touched down like a baby bein' put in its crib for a nap. Half of us were still trying to get out of our harnesses when she blew open the hatch and engaged the enemy."

Kaidan's gaze left the soldier as he looked to the shattered remains of what had been a mako only hours before. "By herself?"

Another discordant laugh. "Commander don't know what the hell rear guard is." He said and finished off the bottle. "Got another?"

Kaidan handed over his entire ration pack without hesitation. "Early numbers say you were ambushed by at least a hundred batarians."

"Fucking Alliance Intelligence." Roac spat the words. "This was supposed to be a regular scouting trip. No hostiles. Those mental amoebas couldn't find their own asses sitting down without getting it wrong."

"I hear that." Kaidan agreed with feeling. "This feels like you were targeted, too. The aliens knew who and what they were after."

"More'n a hundred four-eyes after a single squad?" Roac snorted bobbing his head up and down. "Hell, yeah, they knew Shepard was in our mako when they attacked. Morons should'a known a hundred weren't nearly enough, too. Not to kill her." He spat on the ground, blood and water from his mouth soaking the soil.

Laughing softly, Kaidan shook his head. "They do seem to have a piss-poor track record in regards to her."

Roac glanced over at him. "You got no idea." He said with the heavy voice of someone who knew. "The Commander'll live. She's too damn bitchy to die."

Taken at face value, the words were an insult, Kaidan mused, studying the other soldier. It was the heavy respect, the almost reverence in his voice that had Kaidan pausing, considering. "You don't blame her for the attack?"

Roac's laugh shouted across the field of dead and decaying, drawing smiles from his fellow survivors and looks of outrage from those who'd shown up almost too late to make a difference. "Batarians just sent over a hundred soldiers after her and she's still breathin'. Hell no, I don't blame her. Anybody who can piss off an entire species of slavers that well must be doin' somethin' right."

"What's she like to serve under?" Kaidan asked the question innocently enough but the sharp eyed look from the other man made him wonder if he'd given something away.

"A soldier'd be damned lucky to serve under Lieutenant Commander Rache Shepard." Roac said in the tones of a true believer. "If the dead lying here could speak, those that she did her best to protect and who fell anyway, they'd say the same damn thing."

Covered in blood, his armor battered and singed with the firefight, his very stance a testimony of the words spoken, Roac was a convincing picture.

"Let's get you back to the Normandy, Roac." Kaidan finally said, leery of accidentally revealing anything else. "You have wounds that need looking after."

"Why are you here?" Roac didn't move, his pale grey eyes demanding. "No way a rescue team could have been dispatched and arrived as quickly as you did."

Kaidan sighed and decided it wasn't a secret even if protocol said the information should come from someone else. "We didn't know you were under fire until we arrived, Roac. We were here to pick up Commander Shepard. She's been transferred to the SSV Normandy under the command of Captain David Anderson."

For the first time Roac looked a bit beaten and a bit sad. "Well, shit." He said quietly.

"Come on, we'll get you cleaned up and rested."

* * *

She could smell antiseptics in canned air. Muted voices spoke near but too low for her to make out what was being said. Her hands could feel the slight rise of bed guards on either side of her, a cool almost plastic feel that spoke volumes about where she was.

Rache opened her eyes and stared at the metal gray ceiling of a starship's med bay.

Where was Roac?

The immediate thought had her twisting her head about, searching, dismissing the white covered uniforms of the medical personnel without a thought.

Where was her team? Shit, had they died? She thought she could remember a voice telling her that some of them had survived, but what if it was a lie…

"Commander Shepard." The well modulated voice tried to gain her attention but Rache was having none of it. "You need to lay still, Commander."

No one was important enough for her to pay attention to until she found her team. She didn't care what rank they had, what authority. Until she knew her team was safe…

"Commander, I must insist that you lay back down."

Rache shoved the hands away, forcing legs that trembled with weakness to slide from the bed.

"At ease, Commander Shepard." A very familiar voice gave the order as a large someone literally picked her legs back up and placed them on the bed once more.

"Captain Anderson?" The name was a question and held the echo of a dozen more as her head lolled to the side and she tried to focus. "My team?"

A rumbling mumble answered her but she couldn't understand the words, couldn't make sense of the reassuring vowels and consonants that she should have known immediately. Blackness crashed over her and she willingly sank deep.

* * *

Kaidan very deliberately didn't look at the unconscious woman on the far bed as he entered the Normandy's med bay, reserving his attention instead for the white haired medical officer seated at the desk just inside.

"Dr Chakwas."

A pleased smile covered the older woman's lips as she turned to him. "Lieutenant Alenko. How are you today?"

"Running a bit of a headache, Doctor." He said and had the bonus of it not being a lie, just a convenient excuse. "I'd rather try and head it off before it becomes something worse."

"Anyone else and I'd think they were simply coming to gawk at the Butcher of Torfan." Dr Chakwas teased rising from her desk.

He couldn't care less about the Butcher of Torfan, Kaidan thought as he followed her motioned directions to sit on a nearby examination table. He was more interested in the woman who'd thought burning her brain out an acceptable price to pay to save the members of her unit. "Have you been getting a lot of that lately, Doctor?"

A warm laugh like the bubble of molten honey rose from the white haired woman. "Corporal Jenkins has been in here five times with everything from a pinched muscle in his back to a stubbed toe he feared might be broken. I told him that unless he was bleeding he wasn't to bother me again until the Commander was up and able to take care of herself."

Kaidan chuckled. "Obviously I need to give him more to do. An overhaul of the shuttle might keep him out of your hair for a couple of hours at least." He blatantly ignored the voice in his head sneering the word 'hypocrite' at him. "How is the Commander, anyway?"

Chakwas flashed a light in his eyes making him wince back wondering why the hell the first thing any medically trained person always did for one of his headaches was blind him.

"Doing much better than expected. Her wounds are healed and you just missed me removing the tube that was feeding her intravenously to restore some of the mass she lost using her biotics." Chakwas motioned to the bed where the other woman lay and Kaidan blinked trying to see through the spots. "Right now her body has simply shut down, too exhausted to continue. Once she's rested she'll wake up."

Kaidan grimaced at the red marks from the tube and the tape securing it that he saw around Shepard's mouth. "I hated being force fed." He said as Chakwas began prepping an injection hypo next to him. He barely contained the shudder old memories of some of the more unpleasant training schedules at Brain Camp had left him with.

"Fortunately the Commander was unconscious for most of her session." Chakwas applied the tip of the injector to his neck and pressed the button. "A mild anesthetic for the headache. Your blood sugar levels are lower than I'd like and I have a sudden interest in making sure you're eating enough calories a day. How's your diet regimen?"

Kaidan answered that and several other follow up questions deciding that the unplanned checkup was a small price to pay for a closer look at the Butcher laying in the bed and appeasing his curiosity.

"She's an L3, isn't she, Doctor?" He asked with just a hint of curiosity.

Fortunately Chakwas didn't seem to find anything strange about his interest in another biotic. "Yes, her records say she came later to her biotics than you did. She was a teenager when they manifested and was implanted with the newer model." The doctor picked up a nearby file and began scrolling through the report. "The curious thing is that she spikes just higher than you with her L3 implant. Usually the L3s are weaker than the L2s."

Strong, Kaidan mused looking at the sleeping figure. That was a word he was beginning to think suited her very well. "A good thing, too, since she seems determined to pick fights with every batarian she comes across."

Chakwas didn't return the humor he was trying for. "As one of the few survivors of Mindoir, I can see why she does." The words were sad.

"Mindoir?" He'd heard that name before, something…some tragedy…

"Batarian slavers attacked the colony. Most of the population was either taken or killed. The Commander was a teenager at the time and lost her entire family. She was one of the few still mobile when Alliance rescue fleets arrived." Respectful empathy carried heavy in the older woman's voice. "I can't imagine anyone living through that horror and not hating batarians with a passion."

Kaidan let his gaze fall to the patient on the bed once more. "I guess that puts Torfan in a new light."

"You mean the Butcher?" Doctor Chakwas wasn't quite crass enough to roll her eyes, but she did shake her head slightly in dismissal of the nickname. "After Commander Shepard's actions at Torfan, batarian slave raids on human colonies became all but unheard of. She may have earned the nomenclature of 'The Butcher of Torfan', but the colonies who no longer had to worry about being attacked in the night earned a good deal of peace. I rather think the price was worth it."

He watched Doctor Chakwas for a moment, his expression thoughtful before returning to the sleeping woman. "I wonder if the Commander thinks the same thing."

"When she wakes up, you can ask her." Chakwas said with a shrug as if the answer meant little enough to her.

Kaidan studied the sleeping figure a moment longer. Given the upper brass figures from both the Alliance and the Citadel's Human Embassy who'd been tossing that woman's name around for the last week he didn't think she'd be spending much time with the rest of the grunts on the Normandy.

"Thanks, Doctor Chakwas. I'll see you later." He left the med bay with a determined step.

Besides, if experience had taught him anything it was that a strong vibrant woman like the Lieutenant Commander wouldn't even notice him.


	3. Chapter 3

There was something going on.

Rache entered the elevator on the Normandy and punched the request for the shuttle bay wishing that Roac were here for her to bounce her concerns off of. The newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Xander Roac was now in charge of her old squad…what was left of it…and had taken them back to base camp while she stayed here, newly assigned to this newly commissioned frigate.

This newly commissioned stealth frigate.

Resting against the back wall, Rache shook her head. You would think that the brain trusts in upper brass would realize that 'stealth' and the 'Butcher of Torfan' weren't exactly two great things that went great together. Not a whole lot of stealth involved in being a butcher. You just pointed out her target and sent her on her merry little way and watched the target die.

No, there was something more, something they wanted of her. Something political.

What in the Hell was the political attraction of someone with her reputation? Most people considered her toxic and on the list of Needs To Be Avoided At All Costs. There had to be some reason.

Damn, she wished Roac were here. He could usually suss out what the salad bars were thinking and help her take steps to cover her ass. Especially since whatever was going on included a turian stalking her at every corner. Nihlus was his name and she hadn't been able to take more than a dozen steps without finding him somewhere in the vicinity watching her with his beady little bird eyes. She fully expected to come out of the showers butt naked one of these times and find him just standing there, not blinking, watching and judging everything she said and every little move she made. She also expected to kill him shortly after that.

The elevator slowed and the doors began to open just as a slow smile curved her lips. Across from her a shimmering blue biotic field was currently lifting cargo crates from one area of the shuttle bay and moving them to the other side. Dressed in combat fatigues, his shirt tied around his waist leaving his torso in a navy blue tank top, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko had an expression of concentration on his face as he used his biotics with exquisite grace.

Now there was someone she wouldn't mind watching her walk naked out of a shower. Or maybe even joining her for one.

Rache really… _really_ …wanted to walk over to him and clap a hand to his ass to see what he would do and if it broke his concentration. Sighing with regret she kept her baser inclinations in check. Besides, the Lieutenant would probably look at her with that guarded expression, the one that said he was just waiting for her to go postal on the entire crew, and it would totally kill any humor she found in the situation. Really, did he expect her to turn into a ravening mad woman at the slightest provocation? Please, she did have some control. She hadn't jumped him, after all, had she?

A bit depressed, she pushed the thought out of her head. She wasn't sure why she was bothering, anyway. Every hint, every suggestion she'd tossed his way had either gone completely past him unnoticed or he had decided it wasn't prudent to piss off his new commanding officer by telling her where to get off and that he wasn't interested. There was just something about him…she wasn't even sure what it was.

Cute, yeah. In a boy scout sort of way. He had this weird bump thing going on with his hair that she just found adorkable. And his pecs definitely put Roac's to shame. She could spend a lot of time tracing that lean muscle definition with her fingers…maybe her tongue…hell, why not both?…and not feel the time wasted.

Except she really preferred her partners not only willing, but enthusiastic. Nothing he'd given off in body language told her that he saw her as anything other than his new commanding officer to be treated as one would a ticking time bomb.

Maybe she needed to rethink her tactics…

"Your control is very good." She called out walking toward him…and if there was a bit of extra swing in her hips it wasn't her fault. She was going through a dry spell.

The crates didn't bobble even as those beautiful brown eyes slanted toward her and his expression of concentration changed to one of guarded caution. "Thank you, Commander." He said as the enormous boxes were slowly settled on the metal flooring.

Aaaaaaand that was the sound of all of his interest in continuing any sort of conversation with her dying. Rache bit back a sigh and gave up. If he wasn't interested in anything more, he wasn't interested. But she would still need to work with him and that meant he needed to get the stick out of his ass about her reputation before she beat him to death with it.

"Can you catch?" She asked in idle tones deciding now was as good a time as any to test the limits of his biotics.

His gaze snapped from hers as he whipped about and caught the crate careening toward him. "Yes, ma'am. I can." The words were spoken with an almost idle ease, as if he weren't holding a crate just smaller than the mako over his head.

A sly smile curved her lips. "Two?" She countered and he had the second one caught just as she released it at the apex of her throw.

Damn but he was sexy.

"I see you suffered no permanent brain damage, ma'am." The words were respectful in both cadence and form but her eyes narrowed slightly at him. There was a glimmer of humor in his eyes, an almost dare that she call him on his wording, accuse him of being anything less than respectful of her status.

Maybe the boy scout wasn't such a one after all.

"And your barriers?" She drew her hand cannon and fired three quick shots.

The crates bobbled but the barrier held against her attack.

"Do you usually fire on members of your own grounds team, Commander?" The question was almost amused and held nothing of ire or anger.

"When I'm testing their reflexes, their skills, yes." She agreed and put the gun away. "I like knowing the capabilities of those who follow me into battle, Lieutenant. It helps me not get shot in the back."

"Do you worry about getting shot in the back a lot, ma'am?" He countered.

Oh, yes, there was a smartass lurking beneath the respectful exterior. She might be able to work with Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko after all. "Let's just say no one, including me, expects me to live long enough to retire."

The crates slowly descended to the ground, first one and then the other was placed on top of it with perfect symmetry. He used the back of his hand to wipe his forehead, blocking his own line of sight just long enough for Rache to toss a bottle of biotic protein drink at him with her customary accuracy.

She thought she'd need to use her own biotics to prevent the bottle from hitting him, but his hand whipped about and caught the drink with calm accuracy.

"Thank you, ma'am." He said with a nod, his expression almost too controlled…as if he were holding back a smirk at foiling her little prank.

Curious, she tilted her head at him. "Your first instinct isn't to use your biotics." She said slowly, tasting the thought, the idea behind it. "Weren't you born with biotic abilities?"

All emotion smoothed from his face with the dismissive force of a final curtain. "Yes, ma'am. My mother was exposed to eezo while I was in utero."

"I had a secondary exposure when I was sixteen that activated mine." She responded but her tone was idle, as if she were thinking about something else. "Every other biotic I know that was born with the ability to manipulate mass effect fields reaches for them instinctively when they feel threatened."

"Have you worked with a lot of biotics, ma'am?" He inquired in polite tones.

Ahh, there it was. A button. Oh, his turn of the subject was skilled and subtle…sneaky almost…but she'd been playing that game of misdirection since she was a child. "Yes, I have. That's how I know how to recognize a biotic who is afraid of his own powers."

His expression never changed, the only betrayal of his anger at her assessment was a muscle that bulged and released in his jaw. "I'm sorry if you're disappointed in my abilities, ma'am."

Another crate came flying from the left toward him with blinding speed and he lifted a hand, catching it without removing his gaze from her.

"Your abilities aren't in question." Rache answered giving him a long, assessing study. "Your response time is. How you respond is. If you hesitate to use your biotics in a life or death situation you're going to get somebody killed. I prefer it not be me."

"Well, we can't all be the shoot first and ask questions later type, ma'am."

Oh, yes, there was the snap. The cut of his voice, his tone, telling her how little he was pleased with her statement. Mr Alenko might be calm and cool on the top but often the water that was still on the top was turbulent beneath. One just needed to push past the surface to find the ardor.

Oh, she wanted to do that. To push more of his buttons. To watch him lose control. To see that expression of carefully neutral respect shatter with heated desire or need and have every demanding bit of it be directed at her. She wanted so very much to see him vibrate with passion.

Unfortunately, he'd made his lack of interest clear and if she was going to mold him into the TWIC that she needed…a TWIC like Roac had been for her…she was going to have to let any fantasies she had about Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko be kept very much to the solitary privacy of her bunk.

"You're a marine, Lieutenant. Shoot first and ask later should have been covered pretty well in Basic." She commented and let him stack the crate she'd tossed at him near the others.

"Even when the enemy has surrendered and laid down their arms? Ma'am." He countered in his smoky voice.

"If necessary." She shot back. "If you don't play for keeps out here, Lieutenant, on the fringes of space, against the aliens that hate us simply because we aren't like them, then you're going to die. Worse, you'll get the people serving under your command killed."

"I have never lost a soldier under my command to combat, ma'am." He didn't back down and that had her blood heating even higher. "You can't say the same."

"No. I can't." She admitted readily enough. "But I can say I have done every damn thing I could to save lives. Even sacrifice them if necessary, so that others can live. Could you make that call, Lieutenant?"

"I would willingly lay down my life…" He began.

"Good for you. Congratulations." Her response was a cynical sneer. "Laying down your own life is easy. Suicides do it all the time. Laying down another's life…asking them to make the sacrifice you either cannot or will not make…that is the true measure of a leader, Lieutenant Alenko." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes, I have lost soldiers under my command. More than a few. I lost seven just a week ago. Only four walked away with me. Do I wish that number could have been higher?"

He stared at her, his expression unreadable, refusing to answer, to be baited.

"Yes, I wish I could have saved them all. I wish I had been stronger, faster, smarter, tougher." The words were spat out, the forge of her grief giving them a heat that she hadn't wanted to reveal to this oh, so disapproving subordinate. "I wasn't. In spite of everything I did, I wasn't good enough to keep them all alive. But I stood long enough to save four of them and I will take what I can get."

"Ma'am…"

"Yes, Lieutenant, there is an extremely good chance you'll die following me into battle." She cut him off, her green eyes narrowed with anger. "If that's a problem for you I suggest you put in for a transfer. Out of the military, completely."

Temper flared in brown eyes. "Ma'am…"

"I expect a lot of my TWICs, Lieutenant. I push them harder and longer and I've burned out more than one." She overrode his objection, glaring up at him. "If you have a problem with me, with following my orders, then we need to sort it out now. Before it gets someone killed who doesn't need to die." She closed what little distance was between then her face just inches from his. "Are there any questions on what I just said, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, ma'am." He bit the words out not backing down from her, his body all but vibrating with his fury. "Am I allowed to speak or should I just salute?"

Oh, damn, really it would be worth the sacrifice of her military career if she just jumped him now. She wanted to taste that anger, to grind her hips against his own and push him closer to that controlled edge until it shattered and she found his real heat beneath.

Deliberately she stepped back and shoved her hormones back into the tiny primitive cave they resided in when she couldn't indulge. He wasn't interested in her, fine. She'd have a pity party later. But he would be the kind of TWIC that she required because anything else was just not acceptable.

"Lieutenant Alenko, I expect you to back me up without hesitation. With or without your biotics. I expect you to know my moves before I make them myself. Those are long term goals. It took Roac and I years to get to that point. To be honest, I kind of resent that he's not here and you are. But I'm willing to give you a chance. All I ask is that you give me the same."

For a long moment he stared at her and she wished she had some insight, some sort of cheat sheet that would let her know what he was thinking behind that wall of control.

"Ma'am, when I was told you would be my commanding officer, I saw it as an opportunity to learn from one of the best biotics in the Alliance." The words were low and without emotion. "That has not changed."

Not her mind, not her skills as a soldier, not her impressive rack and curved hips but her biotics. No wonder he wasn't interested in her. He was either a soldier monk…and there were more of those than many figured…or she was the wrong sex to appeal to him. Damn it all to Hell and beyond.

"Good enough." She said with a nod of her head. "For now. You and I will be working together closely. The last TWIC I had with biotics didn't last long…she couldn't keep up with me and almost roasted her brain trying. Not a huge loss if she had, but the Alliance doesn't like wasting the biotics they do have. Although I don't think putting her on a desk was a good use of her talents, at least she couldn't let anyone else down."

Interest flickered across his expression. "You're talking biotic combinations."

"I'm an L3 biotic with combat experience and training. I'm not afraid of my powers, Lieutenant. I've killed with them. I will continue to kill with them. You're an L2 biotic with limited combat but extensive training experience and a psychological resentment of the very powers you were born with. Alone, I'm damn good and people fear me. When was the last time someone crossed the street to get away from you?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "The last leave I took, ma'am. I'm an L2."

She gave a quick, barking laugh that transformed her entire face to vibrant life. "Point taken. Stick with me, Lieutenant, and I will give them a lot more reasons to be afraid of you."

"Yes, ma'am."


	4. Chapter 4

She was killing him.

Kaidan groaned into the shower head as he ducked down letting the hot recycled water pound at his sore muscles. He'd just spent hours less than a foot from her, most of it as they tossed combinations and crates and targets about the shuttle bay like they were confetti at a parade. She'd had him exploring his abilities in a way he hadn't since brain camp. He'd loved it. Loved matching her power, even occasionally gaining a pissed off look from her when he out performed her.

But being so close, feeling the heat of her, the casual touches when she was showing him something, the musky smell of her mixing with the stale recycled air, all that was killing him.

Gods, she was so beautiful and fierce. So vibrant and alive. She didn't seize the moment, she attacked it and battered it into doing what she wanted, how she wanted and while it was whimpering under her in complete submission, she was already looking for the next one.

He'd never met anyone like her.

He'd thought she was just a reckless, damn it all sort of leader. The kind that rushed in and scattered the lives of those under her without a care so long as the goal was achieved, the mission accomplished. Now he thought he'd been wrong.

That woman didn't crave death. Didn't cater to it, dancing in its shadows only to spin just out of reach every time the wispy fingers tried to snag her. No, that woman knew the names of her dead because they still walked with her, holding her guilt high and her determination to not fail so badly again even higher.

She felt good, too.

Not for the first time, Kaidan wished he'd been born with charisma and a natural ability to flirt instead of having to settle for biotics. Maybe he could study a vid or something, read a book. There were rumors that the Lieutenant Commander played a bit loose with the fraternization regs and if there was the slightest chance she would even consider breaking those for him he wanted to make sure she knew he was open to the idea. But how? Right now it was taking every bit of his control to simply stand still around her. To not lean close so he could smell the soft scent of her skin, to not make an excuse to touch her hair. He didn't dare let a single hint of what he felt, what he wanted, escape free. At best she'd simply have him transferred. At worst she'd laugh her head off at the thought of a man like him with a woman like her.

He shook his head at his thoughts.

No, women as full of life as Lieutenant Commander Rache Shepard were far, far above anything he could expect.

Shaking the water off his sleek skin, Kaidan finished his shower and dressed quickly. He had time before his shift with Joker on the bridge to catch a quick meal and hopefully get himself under control before he saw the Commander again.

A flashing notification on his omni-tool drew a quick frown as he slid it on and keyed up the display. He had an incoming vid message from Lieutenant Commander Xander Roac.

Even more confused, Kaidan grabbed a couple of protein bars and settled on his bunk, opening the recorded message.

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, I'm going to stick with tradition and inform you that if you are receiving this message it's because I'm dead rather than pretty it up." The soldier began without preamble, his expression holding a wry smile. "My hope is that you'll have things figured out by the time you get this message because that means I lived a long life. If not…well, here's maybe some words that will help."

Kaidan paused the message and checked the date-stamp. He'd received it less than a half hour ago. Sliding Roac's vid to the side he did another search…this time for the casualty list.

Lieutenant Commander Xander Roac, KIA. Ambushed while on patrol with his squad. No survivors.

Shepard didn't know. Or she hadn't when he'd left her.

Why had Roac sent him a message? They'd met once.

Kaidan settled back again and keyed the message on.

"This message is for your benefit, as one soldier who served a long time as TWIC to the Butcher to another just starting out. Lieutenant Commander Rache Shepard is a mean, cranky bitch who you will want to shoot more than once. She will drive you batshit insane some days and the best you'll be able to do is shut up, smile and salute." Roac grinned fondly and shook his head. "Damn, but I'm going to miss her." He was quiet a moment and then inhaled deeply. "Be patient with her, Lieutenant. If I read you right, you're what she needs. Probably why Anderson chose you to be her new TWIC. She needs stable. She needs reliable. Most of all she needs someone who will protect her from her biggest enemy…herself."

Kaidan blinked, surprised, and opened his mouth to ask a question…only to realize he was trying to speak to a dead man.

"The best advice I can give you, Alenko, is to watch her. Watch what she does, not what she says. Ignore the crap that spews out of her mouth because she will do her best to distract you. To make you hate her. Because if you hate her, she can control you and she will. Don't let her do that. You'll need her respect and Rache will never respect someone she can manipulate."

Had they been lovers? The Lieutenant Commander and her TWIC?

Kaidan felt the question burn through him, demanding an answer because if the answer was yes, then he had a chance.

"If you're good, if you're patient and you don't fuck it up, you'll see something rare, Lieutenant Alenko. Something nobody else sees because she hides so well. You'll see the real Rache Shepard." Roac inhaled deeply again. "You see that and you'll see a woman worth dying for."

The dead soldier paused, seeming to gather his thoughts.

"Hell, I don't know. Maybe you think this is all bullshit. Maybe you think she's the crazy bitch she pretends to be. Okay, the crazy bitch she can be most of the time, we'll be honest here." A wry smile curved his lips. "Think what you want, do what you want, but if you're the guy I read you to be…the one I think Anderson chose specifically to work with Rache, then you'll listen and you'll hear and you'll watch her. She's worth it, Kaidan."

The words crept along his spine as if the dead man had spoken them right in front of him and Kaidan felt their power resonate in him.

"Damn, but I wish it were me." The words were muttered just as the vid ended, the screen blanking out.

Thoughtful, Kaidan gave up on thoughts of eating in the mess and slowly made his way to the cockpit for his shift with Joker.

* * *

Xander was dead.

Rache stared out the window of the conference room, her thoughts a thousand light years away.

She should be crying. Xander had earned her tears. Had earned more from her, truth be told. She should feel…something. Not numb. There should be something. She needed to feel! To rage! To curse Anderson up and down for taking her from her squad and not sending out a damn bulletin to every batarian in the system that she was no longer with them so an innocent squad of soldiers wouldn't be attacked while she wasn't there to protect them anymore.

She hadn't wanted another damn reason to hate batarians. She had plenty.

She wanted to grieve and she couldn't. There was no safety here, no privacy that she trusted. If anyone saw tears they would see weakness and Rache would be damned if she would honor Xander's life and death with weakness.

Turning away from the window she left the room and began making her way through the ship, passing soldiers that now answered to her, saluted her and stepped out of her way, all while she was looking for one in particular.

She found him in the cockpit with Joker and paused, just standing slightly behind, deliberately not looking at him, choosing instead to just listen to him banter with Joker about the damn turian that followed her about.

There. That was better, that was all she needed.

She didn't feel numb anymore.


End file.
